Weddings are supposed to be one of the happiest, joyous, most special times of a woman’s life, however it can also be one of the most stressful times for the bride to be. Normally once a couple is engaged and a date is set the anxious bride to be starts thinking of her dream wedding. She’ll ponder on things such as flowers or candles, whether they’ll have a beautiful garden for their backdrop or a more traditional church setting. One of the most important decisions she’ll make is who will share in the joys of her wedding planning process with her.
A Message for the Brides
The methods for choosing the beautiful ladies who will stand beside you are ever changing. Some women stick to close family members, like sisters or cousins. Others go with friends, classmates and coworkers. Once selected your bridesmaids will decide details like the dresses, hairstyles and the location of the bachelorette party. Regardless of who and how many ladies you choose, the choice could end up causing you way more stress than happiness.
I’ve been in event planning for the past five years, and for the last three years I’ve tackled weddings for some of the sweetest brides you’ll ever meet. It’s my job as a wedding planner to fit as many memories as I can into one special day that will stay with a bride and her groom forever. It is also my job to relieve the couple from as much stress as possible. Unfortunately a major part of the stress sometimes doesn’t come from whether to do a plated dinner or buffet style or if it’s better to do a live band or a DJ—it comes from the women who are supposed to make the planning time more enjoyable.
I have some real horror stories from my previous weddings, jealous friends who completely sour the mood for a bride with their negative attitudes, bridesmaids who pull out just days before the wedding making it nearly impossible to find a replacement, maids who choose not to participate in any of the pre-wedding festivities. And how about the ones who never make it to the rehearsal because they didn’t “plan their time accordingly.” We can’t forget the ones who refuse to buy the selected bridesmaid dress because it’s not her style or a color that “works” for them.
I received some advice a very long time ago. “When it’s time to marry the love of your life, you’ll find out who your real friends and supporters are”. I wondered for a while what that meant, and I figured it out when I planned my first wedding. It seems as though weddings provide the opportunity for people to show their true colors. And if those “colors” are of jealously, envy, procrastination, selfishness and laziness then it could of course make for a really toxic wedding planning process.
I want to help future brides to be by giving them a few pointers on selecting their bridal party members. Although we want to believe that the ones currently closest to us are always the best people to choose sometimes it requires a slightly more strict criteria.
Six Tips for Your Selection Process
And to Any Current or Future Bridesmaids
Bridesmaids need to know that planning a wedding is a process. Once you sign on to be a bridesmaid you are agreeing to make a person’s special day a priority for you. You are agreeing to be involved and supportive throughout the entire duration of the planning process. You are agreeing to work with women you may not know very well, and will need to establish some form of respectful relationship with to get tasks done. You are agreeing to the financial and schedule obligations. You are agreeing that when certain days, times, and tasks are asked of you, you will oblige. If you are not willing to agree to these things. DO NOT AGREE TO BE A BRIDESMAID. It will save a lot of time, money and relationships in the long run. NO ONE wants to deal with an unruly, jealous, lazy bridesmaid, PERIOD.
Special thanks to my previous brides Twanshella Leathers, Nakeeta Batson, Melissa Williams, and Shokira Johnson for their contributions for this article and thanks to Rae (RC) for giving me the opportunity to plan her own wedding. It is a pleasure to be a part of your blog and I look forward to its success.