Somehow I always manage to lose myself. And the funny thing is that I never really feel like I’m where I last left myself.
Nine months ago I became a mom, and it is by far the most amazing feeling in the world. What’s been so great is that its a feeling that seems to wax on and on and literally never end (even in the latest nights where sleep is a mystery).
But becoming a mom has done this very odd thing to me where I can’t seem to find the desire to make room for anything else. There used to be a time when I would make room for anything. I mean I would fly cross country and back in a day and still hit up an open mic when I landed. Now I’m looking for any excuse to wrap up in a fuzzy blanket with baby boy in tow and just escape from the rest of the world. Lately my idea of a good time is chowing down on nursing cookies and online shopping for baby clothes (side note: I never knew boys clothes could be SO fun).
Strangely enough I went through a similar phase when I first got married. I stopped performing, didn’t write as much and even traveled a little less. All I wanted to do was bask in my wifeness. I wanted to put all of my energy into being a wife and nothing else. Now I guess I’m doing the same in momness.
Today my husband asked me if I felt like being a mom was taking away from all the things I used to do like performing, brunching and blogging. Honestly, I don’t feel like being a mom is taking that away. I just feel like I’ve lost interest and energy. And I can’t find the energy to get back. I also feel like I’ve lost so much time. And I literally just can’t.
I do wonder though, if these long moments of escape are delaying my end goal or completely diminishing it. At this very moment I can’t even make sense of what my end goal is. All I can think about is the rising cost of tuition. Like seriously who is going to help me and my husband pay for college? There’s a collection plate at the end of this post!
But in all seriousness, I just wanted to check in with all of you amazing followers and say please excuse my absence. I do plan to get back to a cadence, and I appreciate you all for sticking on this crazy road with me.
Love you all!